Pieces

August 14, 2023

Trivial things sometimes take control of our lives for moments, sometimes longer. A few days ago I slid into a chair at the Country Café on U.S. 25 near Pickens, South Carolina. I was exhausted and hot after a hard mountain hike at nearby Table Rock State Park.

Usually I go straight home after these outings, but the road ahead was under construction, which meant a traffic tieup. I called Sandy, she said stop and get lunch. I turned off at the Country Café. I knew what I wanted, a cheeseburger and a Coke. The protein and sugar would help. The waitress—er, server, approached and offered a one-page laminated menu. I waved it aside.

“I’d like a cheeseburger and a large Coke,” I said.

“We have Pepsi, she said.

“Pepsi.”

The young woman glanced at the menu with her sparkling brown eyes.

“We have a cheeseburger platter, with fries and coleslaw. There’s no other option.”

I took the menu and looked it over. Right, cheeseburger platter, fries and coleslaw, $10.99.

“I don’t want fries,” I said.

“They come with it. With coleslaw.”

I didn’t want fries or coleslaw. I don’t like French fries. I just wanted a cheeseburger. Is there no way I could order only a cheeseburger?

She made the decision for me, actually no decision was needed since there was no other option. I would have to get the eleven-dollar platter or something else, a sandwich platter, dinner entrée, or salad. I didn’t want those, either.

I nodded, she smiled and walked away. I reminded myself I didn’t want fries. But it wasn’t important enough to get up and stomp out. No other restaurants were nearby.

The diner scene from the 1970 classic Five Easy Pieces, starring Jack Nicholson and Karen Black, flashed back. Bobby Dupea (Nicholson), in a booth with his girlfriend and two women hitchhikers, in that silky-smooth Nicholson voice, orders a plain omelet, coffee, a side order of wheat toast. But he wants tomatoes instead of potatoes.

“No substitutions,” the waitress announces.

“What do you mean, you don’t have any tomatoes?”

“Only what’s on the menu. You can have a plain #2 omelet, it comes with fries and rolls.”

“I know what it comes with, but it’s not what I want.”

Not to go on about it, but Dupea finally orders an omelet and a chicken salad sandwich, hold the butter, mayo, and lettuce. The angry waitress repeats his order. He then tells her to hold the chicken and bring him the toast and a check for the sandwich.

“Hold the chicken?” the waitress asks, incredulously.

Things explode. Dupea sweeps the table setting onto the floor, soaking the waitress, and he and the women are thrown out of the place. In the car one of them laughs at his cleverness in ordering toast. He answers, “Well, I didn’t get it, did I?”

I guessed I could have said, in a sarcastic Jack Nicholson tone, “Hold the fries, the bun, and the coleslaw, bring me the cheeseburger.” I’d still be on the hook for the price of the platter.  But I was too tired to go the Pieces route. The girl was sweet, I don’t think she’d throw me out.

She didn’t know me and wasn’t old enough to have seen the movie. She might have worried that if she served only the cheeseburger, I might make a scene and refuse to pay the full price for the platter. I nodded and went along with the platter-only rule.

She brought me a plastic plate with my cheeseburger enclosed in a giant bun, a mountain of fries, and a cup of coleslaw. I stared at it, then took the burger from the bun, ate it, guzzled my Pepsi, and pushed the rest away. A heavyset guy at the next table gave me a curious look. I thought for a second of offering him the fries. I asked for the check.

“I’ll get you at the register.” She rang me up. “That will be $17.55. The Pepsi was $4.45.”

“Okay,” I muttered, but I was thinking, wow, with a $3.00 tip that’s $20.00 for a cheeseburger.

Five Easy Pieces was nominated for four Academy Awards, including Best Actor for Jack Nicholson (he didn’t win). It’s not what anyone would call an uplifting story; more of the timeworn “men are angry, alone, and alienated” theme. But for that, it’s well done.

The diner scene shows Dupea, the Nicholson character, as quick-witted and clever, the waitress as cranky and obnoxious. So the audience laughs when Dupea sends the table setting crashing to the floor, the water spilling on the waitress. She got what she asked for, is the reflexive reaction.

I didn’t feel an urge to do what Dupea did.  This is a minor annoyance, way down the scale of minor annoyances. I should have forgotten about it. Some restaurants, especially diners with high customer turnover, do have a “no substitutions” rule. They’re probably thinking, what if somebody gets a non-menu item then argues about the charge?

So the rule may cause irritation. The customer does have the option the young woman didn’t mention, walking out. He would be angry at having to find another restaurant. The “no substitutions” restaurant would lose the business, the server would not get a tip. If he stayed the confrontation might continue, tempers might flare, as they did in the movie.

This is happening all the time. Right now, political figures are mudwrestling, calling each other corrupt, traitors, criminals, lunatics, exchanging ugly threats. Some of us are out of control, like Bobby and the waitress.

Things are not always the way we like. We don’t have to be awful to others. Only solution:  don’t let the problem get personal. Take the platter. You may not want it, but the alternative is worse. The lesson: move on.