October 26, 2026

It had been at least five years. Ridgewood, New Jersey, once home, now is an alien place. But then, everything changes, becomes unrecognizable. What was familiar and comforting has been replaced. Long-ago neighbors are gone, the new ones are strangers.

From South Jersey we found I-295, which runs north through several western counties to Trenton. We stayed with it to Bordentown then picked up the Turnpike to exit 11, the Garden State Parkway. The 15-year-old EZ pass died, we paid cash at the toll booths.

We left the parkway at the first Bergen County exit at Fairlawn. One turn leads to U.S. 4, ten miles of fast road eastbound to the George Washington Bridge, spanning the Hudson to New York. I recalled the bus stop at a gas station at the Rte. 4 overpass, where my father waited for a New Jersey Transit commuter bus to the city most work days for 35 years. Neither the bus stop nor the gas station remain.

We crossed into Ridgewood and passed the square little Cape Cod my younger brother owned for decades. On Newcomb, two streets farther along, we stopped in front of the square little Cape Cod where I lived as a kid. The grass was richly green, no doubt cared for by a lawn service.

The neighborhood, once all square little homes with one bath, now is pocked by fake mansions, some with giant decks, facades, columns. Original structures have been built over or demolished and replaced by monsters, fitted with giant windows and peaked roofs.

Ridgewood, with its stock of lovely homes, some more than 100 years old, had over decades become a nesting place for New York’s financial community, investment bankers, stockbrokers, traders, Tom Wolfe’s “masters of the universe.” Money transformed the place into a ghetto of ostentatious wealth. The median home value is above $1.2 million.

Expensive restaurants and boutiques crowded out the dime stores and lunch counters. Pricey imported cars clog the streets. The downtown movie theater became an arts center. The grounds of the town swimming pool, long a retreat for strolling, now are fenced and gated.

The parish church near the town center has installed large video monitors high on the front walls, I guessed to ensure the folks in the rear pews don’t miss anything, the church is that long. The parochial elementary school across the street, which closed long ago, now is something else. The site of the fire house on the next block is occupied by a parking garage.

We got lunch at the Daily Treat, my mom’s favorite hangout for years. It was early afternoon and quiet, a few seniors were scattered at the tables, the servers were three white-haired guys. We fit in, but the place felt old, tired, exhausted.

We threaded our way north to Franklin Lakes, which resembles Ridgewood with more forest and less traffic, passing through the little suburbs of Ho-Ho-Kus, Waldwick, and Wykoff. Christ the King cemetery is gorgeous, unchanged since 1984, when we first visited for my dad’s funeral. We found the parents’ and brother Bob’s graves and whispered a prayer.

We stayed with sister-in-law Maria in Fairlawn and got caught up with her and the kids, Joseph and Christine, who’s training for this weekend’s New York Marathon, her third.

In the morning the Parkway south was a fast rush hour through industrial Bergen. We crossed the Passaic River to Passaic County, Clifton, the Oranges, Clark, Perth Amboy, into Monmouth County. We left at exit 109, Red Bank and Linden, and turned onto Half-Mile Road. An enormous Marriott hotel sits at the intersection. The office building where I worked in 1986 had vanished.

Downtown Red Bank sits along the wide Navesink River. We passed Riverview Hospital, where our youngest, Kathleen, was born. We picked up River Road past Riverside Garden Park. A mile farther on is Harrison Avenue. We counted addresses to 104. The house, still blue, showed care, new landscaping, a deck, attractive trim. We recalled the moving van parked in front in June 1986, then again in June 1987, when we moved out.

A fence on the south side of the house encloses a subdivision, built probably thirty years ago, that replaced the pleasant wooded tract we enjoyed as renters. Our landlord had petitioned the borough for a variance to subdivide the property for development. It was initially denied, but he kept at it until they gave in.

By late morning Broad Street, Red Bank’s main thoroughfare was busy. We parked, fumbled with the parking computer, then walked south, past the old Fidelity Federal Bank building where we had received approval for a mortgage. The closing was just days away when we canceled. Fidelity has been replaced by a couple of financial planners.

Broad, like East Ridgewood Avenue, is a mix of cute boutiques, cafes, restaurants, a Starbucks. We stopped at St. James parish church. It seemed unchanged from ‘87, when Kathleen was baptized there, Laura was in second grade at the parish school. Michael was set to start kindergarten; that didn’t happen.

One Saturday evening Mass we sat with the kids, who were restless and finicky. An old man in the pew behind us touched my shoulder, motioned at the kids and said, “You’re a wealthy man.”

We knelt for a few minutes then headed back to the car, others were circling, looking for scarce parking. I tried to recall a shortcut that avoided traffic, but got turned around and zigzagged among dead-end streets. Eventually we got out of town.

The Parkway took us six miles south to I-195, a fast no-tolls east-west route across Jersey’s famous Pine Barrens. Forest, swamps, a few isolated houses and farm plots showed up. I had read the Barrens is an interesting place, worth a visit. Maybe next time.

October 19, 2026

We passed through Charlotte on I-85 mid-morning Friday, getting a look at the brand-new data centers being born across northern South Carolina and into North Carolina. The target was son Michael’s place in Collingswood, New Jersey.

The Charlotte rush hour was light. A marker for us is Belmont Abbey College, just west of the city. The campus chapel, topped by a tall steeple, is just off the interstate. Our youngest girl, just married out in Idaho, graduated from the school 15 years ago. Back then, Idaho, Wyoming, and Colorado were not on her destination list. Things change.

The Carolina piedmont stretches north through Kannapolis, Greensboro, Elon, Durham, Raleigh, Chapel Hill, the college and research centers, the heart of the state, roughly equidistant from the rugged country west of Asheville and the beach towns south of Wilmington. There’s a Vietnam veterans memorial at one rest area, but the interstate is the interstate.

We moved through Durham and settled in for the near-empty stretch north of Lake Gaston, just south of the state line. The extra lane disappears after Butner, forest crowds the highway for 80 or so miles. South Hill is the first Virginia milestone, followed by Meredithville, Alberta, Rawlings, before the shift to I-95. Rush hour builds into Petersburg.

Six years ago we walked the Petersburg battlefield, actually there are three. It was a ghastly nine months for both sides. This was June 1864-April 1865, when three Union armies were mowing down the surrounded, starving rebels. It ended in April when Lee rode into Appomattox, but the Confederate “Lost Cause” myth lingers. It may have been born at Petersburg.

Near Richmond Phillip-Morris has tented over its giant Marlboro cigarette statue, maybe to tone down the company’s image as a manufacturer of addictive poison.

Beyond a slight rise the Richmond skyline shows up, the state capitol now obscured by a rush of highrise construction in recent years. I took it as a sign of new optimism in the state, which still has a hold on me after 33 years. The highway gridlock seemed, well, normal.

We picked up speed around Ashland, past the King’s Dominion amusement park at Doswell, where Sandy took the kids a half-dozen times. Well before Fredericksburg the southbound traffic slowed. The long-distance Washington commuters slogged past, those who thought they’d escape the suburban swamp by settling 50 or more miles south of the Beltway. Instead they’ve extended rush hour nearly to Richmond.

Fredericksburg now is a monster of mini-highways lined with strip malls and pocked with traffic lights. This is the segment that sits along the interstate a half-dozen miles from Old Town, where a touch of history and cute boutiques spawned massive sprawl east, west, north to Stafford. Traffic clogged the right lane as drivers exited wherever they could to jump on old Route 1.

The signs for the Quantico Marine Base showed up at Russell Road, the eastbound route past Chopawamsic Creek to the base, where so long ago I spent a hard couple of years at Office Candidate School and Comm School, eased by happy hours at the Officers Club. Westbound is Camp Barrett, the legendary Basic School or TBS, where second lieutenants endure six months learning infantry tactics in mud and forest, suffocating in summer, freezing in winter.

We inched past the Corps’ National Museum, which captures the cauldron of triumph and anguish of Marine history, Tripoli to Belleau Wood to Iwo Jima, Khe Sanh, Fallujah and Helmand Province. Nearby, brave men and women rest at Quantico National Cemetery.

We passed Prince William Forest Park, where I aced my Basic School orienteering exam and ran dozens of races across the park’s 15,000 acres over more than a dozen years.

We stayed at longtime friends Christine’s and Alex’s place in Lake Ridge, just south of the Occoquan River. Alex was in Boston with elder daughter Katie for the Head of the Charles, the country’s premier crew event, Katie is a star, heading for a Division-1 university.

Christine made dinner, we stayed up afterward recalling family, kids’ achievements, work, races, travel, faith. The family will be heading to Hawaii in January for Alex’s 18th running of the Hawaii Ultrarunning 100-miler. We left early, planning to return mid-week.

We plowed up I-95 and -395 through D.C., the decades-old route, across the Beltway back to I-95, through Baltimore. We reached Philly, heading for the Walt Whitman bridge over the Delaware to Jersey, missed it, swung around on city streets to the Ben Franklin bridge.

Collingswood emerges from Camden County’s industrial-highway swamp, an island of stylish old homes, cafes, bookshops, churches. We strolled Haddon Avenue, “restaurant row,” and browsed small businesses, a rebuilt furniture place, curiosity shops. Michael’s third-floor two-level walkup is built into an old church that retains the stained glass, I guessed Episcopalian.

I grew up in Bergen County, opposite New York; South Jersey is mostly foreign country.  I visited the Lockheed Martin ship radar plant in Moorestown for work a couple of times and did an overnight in Atlantic City for a friend’s Marine Corps wetting down when he made colonel.

Years later Sandy and I spent a short weekend in Cape May for a whale-watching trip, an anniversary gift from the kids. We saw no whales, the next day we rushed across the deep-south Jersey cranberry farmland to the Memorial Bridge.

By late afternoon Collingswood was chilly and windy. Michael made dinner, we got caught up with him. We hit the Turnpike this morning heading north to Ridgewood and Fairlawn in Bergen. Parents Joe and Patricia, and brother Bob Walsh lie in Christ the King cemetery in Franklin Lakes. We’ll stop for a prayer.

October 12, 2026

The scene captures mountains, sea, and forest, set off by white mist. The moon glows above the mountains, which appear pale, their summits rising above the mist in the distance, which is impossible to determine. The water is glassy-calm, mirror-like.

We passed this place on the ship last month, plowing through the Inside Passage, which is the tourist route to and from Alaska, Vancouver, and Seattle. The attraction is the view of glaciers and mountains. More than that, remoteness, the stark wildness of nature, which may bring the senses either to wonder or trepidation.

I could not sleep, keyed up by various things. The cruise was supposed to be an antidote to all that.  I stepped out on the deck, I could feel the ship’s gentle movement, ahead under ten knots.

The moon illuminated the channel in a shimmering river of light. It was an image of purity, the air crisp and clean, nature left alone. Inside, Sandy slept, her breathing hushed and even. Others may have been awake and watching, I heard nothing. The vastness of the panorama, the shining water merged with dark, rugged forest-covered spits of land, overpowered small thoughts, pettiness, memories.

Months earlier, restless, I sat on the foredeck of a river craft on the Mekong River in Vietnam at 4:00 AM. I had walked down the passageway and pushed through the hatch to the narrow landing one deck above the bow. The boat rode at anchor midriver. A mile to the east the lights of the little river town of Cai Be glowed through the blackness.

The impressions are indelible. Some sights can’t be forgotten.

We did the Alaska sick call in Skagway, then all that ended. We made it to Idaho, but things must be done, appointments kept. We thought about New Jersey. The destination would be the Jersey suburbs of Philadelphia, meaning I-85 through North Carolina to I-95 in Virginia and around Washington to Philly, then the Commodore Barry Bridge over the Delaware.

Years ago we’d drive from Virginia to North Jersey, which meant 95, a punishing trip through Baltimore, into and out of Delaware and across the giant Delaware Memorial Bridge. From the bridge, on a clear day, the towers of Philadelphia are faintly visible to the north. Just below on the Jersey side is the DuPont Chemical megacomplex. Beyond the bridge are the Turnpike and I-295, which loops west up to Trenton.

We’ve done the trip many times. North Jersey was home for me as a kid. Forty years ago we moved from Nashville to Red Bank in Monmouth County, a sort of New York landing zone, 40 miles from the city. Our youngest girl was born there. Second daughter Marie was a toddler. The older two kids, in cute uniforms, went to the local parish school.

Red Bank offered promise, a settled community of well-kept homes clustered along the Navesink River with a busy, prosperous downtown. We rented a place a mile from the shops and restaurants, the kids made friends up and down the street.

It came apart when the federal contractor that hired me lost its biggest contract. Six of us, the contract team, were out on the street. I bought my first computer, an AT&T box with 12KB of memory that ran WordPerfect and Lotus, and started publishing semi-monthly Defense Technology Viewpoint. A few months later New Jersey lost its meaning. We found the house in Virginia and moved out of the rental a year to the day after we moved in.

The Jersey year detached us from the South. The kids picked up something of their Jersey grandmother’s New York roots, her interest in culture, history, world affairs. They escaped the mediocre Tennessee schools. Northern Virginia worked out as a tradeoff, close to multicultural D.C., and good schools, balanced by exploding suburban sprawl and perpetual traffic gridlock. That was 1987.

In following years Virginia tried to relieve congestion by building the Springfield Interchange and widening I-95 between Woodbridge and Washington. The project created high-occupancy vehicle (HOV) lanes restricted to vehicles carrying four occupants, the driver and three passengers—later reduced to three occupants.

The HOV lanes gave birth to the “slug” system, whereby drivers without enough passengers would pick up strangers—“slugs”—to use the restricted lanes. “Slugging” became a way of life for Northern Virginia bureaucrats, a sort of regional cultural eccentricity.

Now, back in the South, the work-school-college years are a sort of blur. We recall vaguely the trip to London for the Farnborough Air Show in 1988, then Paris for the Paris Air Show in 1989. The crash-landing of a Soviet Mig-29 fighter (the USSR still existed) at Paris stands out, for some reason. We went to Rome in 2003 for an anniversary and got to the papal audience in St. Peter’s Square. We found a good spot in the crowd, Pope John Paul II stared down at us.

We went back to Tennessee over the years, to a lakeside cabin near Sandy’s hometown a couple of times. We ran road races, the Nashville marathon eight times, and showed up at weddings and funerals. Sandy’s mom passed in 2015, her sister and brothers-in-law a couple of years ago. We’ve done the family reunions.

The view of the Alaska moon, the water, the mist, the mountains, from my perch on the ship’s upper deck returns and lingers. It seems at the moment to overpower memory, as if the vista of nature’s majesty draws us away from the past. We struggle to move forward, holding on to the beauty of the moment.  

Maybe we’ll do the Inside Passage cruise again someday, and stand again looking out in the moonlight. Probably not. Memories survive or fade. Nature and its beauty, its mystery and lessons, may remain.

October 5, 2026

Some years ago our eldest daughter led a campaign in Washington, D.C. to establish “Car-Free-D.C. Day.” A ten-block area of downtown was closed to auto traffic for a day. She was working for urban sustainability, livability, the idea of freeing cities from domination by traffic.

The idea caught on,  now it’s observed in other places. But unless you live in a few major cities, your car is critical to your life. The bus or the train is probably an alien experience.

The tale here is a lot like others. Everyone who owns a car has a story of breakdowns, sky-high repair bills, accidents, insurance disputes, or worse. Your vehicle is much like your house. I read that the average new-car purchase is financed over 70 months, average payments, $765.

Car ownership or non-ownership has a metaphysical aspect. My parents, eons ago, changed their lives when they moved from a New York City apartment to the New Jersey boondocks. They went from a short stroll, subway, or bus ride to everything they needed or wanted, to being stranded, miles from a train or bus. They bought a used car, then another, then another, and so on. Once the family car broke down on New York’s West Side Highway. My dad returned later to find the wheels and battery missing.

Your car may say something about your personality, your life outlook. American or foreign? Kia Soul subcompact or Dodge Ramcharger? A friend who has lived in New York all his adult life remarked awhile back that he has never owned a car or a lawnmower. “Perpetual adolescence,” he said.

For car owners, there’s eventually a moment of truth. When your maintenance agreement has expired and you’ve become a regular client of the service center, when do you decide it’s time to get off the repair treadmill and put those maintenance dollars into another vehicle, new or used?

Two weeks ago we were at Graydon Tire and Automotive Service, two miles from our place on a busy suburban highway. Customers generally are pleased and return when they need work. So do we. But eventually your luck may run out. And your oil.

We had asked Nick, the assistant manager, to look for oil leaks from our 2012 Volkswagen Jetta, which has racked up 140,000 miles. “There’s a lot of oil,” he said in a sympathetic tone. We had seen oil spots on the garage floor. This was not the first time.

Nick said, “You’re looking at the oil pan and oil gasket. The parts themselves aren’t really that expensive, but in this car there’s a lot of labor in getting to them. So I would say around $1,800. But then there’s a lot of wires that have to be either taken out or moved. Then we don’t know if oil is leaking in other places. So there’s probably more cost. These German cars—they’re complicated.”

Nick didn’t sound enthusiastic about doing the work. His shop has three full-time mechanics and two part-timers. They’re almost always slammed. He schedules appointments a week out. We thanked Nick and drove home. I spread a tarp on the garage floor and pulled the car over it. The next morning we saw spots.

Three years ago, the local VW dealership, when doing an oil change, gave me an estimate of about $1,800 on fixing something that may be causing oil to leak. This was a week before our Ireland trip. I may have said we’d look at it. But I didn’t see any dripping oil. I forgot about it.

A few months later I went back to the dealership for another oil change. It’s a 20-mile round trip down the interstate, the work took two hours. The service people suggested the car could use additional work that would come to around $1,500. Non-urgent, but needed eventually, they said. It might have had to do with oil.

I don’t know enough about cars to know the difference between nice-to-have and critical. But I thought I heard marketing. The place has a lot of overhead to support, technicians, salespeople, advanced diagnostic equipment.

The dealership loyalty was a habit. In 2012 we bought the car at the VW dealership in Virginia. For maintenance I wanted the VW expertise, not Joe’s Garage. We went back for oil changes and minor work, we got to know the service manager, Warren. He was a solid guy, knowledgeable, helpful. He took care of us. Sandy would bake cookies for his team. He was still there years after we moved away. On return trips to Virginia we’ve stopped in to say hello.

But in our new town I got tired of the 20-mile trip to the local dealership, the costs, and long waits. We tried Graydon for oil changes and minor work.

The day after visiting Nick I got an appointment at the dealership. They’d put their experts on the job and give us a precise dollar estimate. I paid the fee for the estimate, $170, which would go toward the work if we wanted to do it.

The service person called two hours later. “We’d replace the oil pan and gasket, also the housing for the oil filter,” she said. “It would come to $3,100. The technicians also identified some front-end work that would bring the total to $5,300.”

She hurried to add, “We have some payment plans that would let you choose an amount to pay each month either over three months or five months.”

The front-end thing was news. I hadn’t noticed any front-end problem. “Thanks, we’ll talk about it,” I said. Five thousand to repair a 14-year-old car?

That afternoon we picked up the Jetta and drove home. Again I spread the tarp on the garage floor. In the morning we saw spots, no surprise. We looked without much interest at dealership ads, no inspiration.

In the morning we drove the Jetta to Jiffy Lube. Jason, the manager, put his guy, Dylan, to work. He put in five quarts of synthetic oil and a new filter, and checked the tire pressure, windshield washer fluid, and air filter. Jason gave us a $10 high-mileage discount. It came to $110.98. He added a free “top-off” deal. That will help as our new oil leaks away.

In the morning spots were on the tarp. But we didn’t spend $3,000. We can think about our next plunge into car ownership. We could get by with the van. We could drive away with a shiny new Volkswagen. Probably not.        

September 28, 2026

The fellow on the phone from the hospital last Tuesday sounded exasperated. “I’m Joe. Insurance denied the PET scan. We don’t know why. We’ve faxed an expedited appeal. “We hope we can get this done by the end of the week. I’ll call you.”

“Thanks, Joe,” I said. I thought he said they don’t know why.

I didn’t want to dwell on it, still drugged by the pills I took for the punishing virus, we think it was a virus, that we picked up in Idaho.

Insurance companies deny care all the time. You read the horror stories. I haven’t experienced them, through 30 computed tomography (CT) and a half-dozen positron emission tomography (PET) scans, plus MRIs, biopsies, and surgeries over the past eight years, all covered by the same insurance. Suddenly the streak is broken.

The new oncologist, Dr. Z, ordered the PET a few weeks ago. Ordered? Requested? Was it the scheduling? The cost? These things cost about $8,000. With my insurance, I pay about $350. A good deal, if you have to have it.

This was more or less following a plan set by the former doc, Dr. B, who left in July. The PET involves an injection of a chemical that adheres to cancer cells and causes them to, in effect, glow under the scan, providing a more precise view than a CT.

So what’s the problem now? A paperwork glitch? Did insurance get tired hearing about me? I looked back at my scan scorecard, kept in a notebook. I had one in February 2025. Then Dr. B ordered one back in March. That one sailed through the insurance. The results prompted him to restart me on the oral chemo pill at a low dose.

But the insurance people also keep score. They may have said, “What, another PET, just a year after the last one? Too much for this guy!”

In Wyoming that last morning we said our goodbyes. It was chilly. Just beyond our daughter’s and son-in-law’s front porch the deep green of the foothills of the Grand Tetons glistened with frost. We sped back to the airport over the nearly empty highway past the potato fields that stretch to the horizon in every direction.

The flights were tough, what with the ricochet effect of a circuit breaker failure in Jersey that shut down East Coast airports for hours. In the afternoon showers in Dallas closed one of the runways. You’re never happy, when you finally fasten your seatbelt after a two-hour delay and the pilot announces, “There are twenty-five planes stacked up waiting to take off.”

The plane smacked down at Greenville-Spartanburg International after midnight. Slouching under our carry-ons, we trudged the deserted main corridor to the escalators, then to the luggage carousels.

The plan was get the PET early Wednesday then drive to Tennessee for Sandy’s college-friends reunion. She won’t navigate the 10 or so miles of construction on I-40 in North Carolina where Hurricane Helene knocked the highway into the Pigeon River two years ago. One lane now is open in each direction, hemmed in tightly by Jersey walls. Traffic, which is heavily eighteen-wheelers, moves in gridlock through the work zone.

We scrubbed the trip. We could have thought about the PET results over the weekend until my doc appointment this week. Now we’ll do neither.

A few showers had kept the plants alive, the grass grew scruffy and thick. The end of the week was mild, life fell back into routines.  We got over the sickness that attacked on the trip.   

We felt the tension of the last night’s bad sleep, the grind of packing, the 60-mile drive, the hike, hefting your bag to the aircraft ramp (no jetway), strapping into your cramped little seat—aisle, center, window, they’re all cramped; the airline crackers and pretzels. 

Exhaustion blasts the body and mind, creating numbness. You don’t want to walk or even stand. Cumulative fatigue, our son, the medical physicist, calls it. Athletes feel it after too much running or weightlifting. I did do pushups the first two days.

Impressions, which become memories, race back. In 2006 we got to Yellowstone and Grand Teton. Later we went back to Montana for trail races and did a couple of drive-arounds. We got to Glacier and Little Bighorn Battlefield National Monument and Devil’s Tower. All of it a spectacular, alien world.       

Here, this northwest corner of a small Southern state offers the deep-green, gently rounded-down tops of the Appalachians that stretch west to the Great Smokies. The midstate piedmont is the other direction, melding with humid lowland, then beaches. Myrtle Beach, Charleston, Hilton Head lead to Savannah, Georgia’s Gold Coast, the Sea Islands. Then it’s hard-down vacation country, Jacksonville, Daytona Beach, and south. Swampland, not mountains.

The variety, the richness of all of it lifts the heart. Meanwhile we face the everyday pettifoggery of our medical bureaucracy, which pings at patients with emails and text messages and reminders and surveys. While denying procedures, someone over there wants reviews—how well did we do?

I got over the travel funk. I hauled out my two-inch-thick file of scan reports reaching back eight years and thumbed through them.

In March 2020 a physician-radiologist, in analyzing my CT, didn’t notice something. Seven months later, in October, another CT, another report. This time the reviewing physician found a “large amorphous well-defined mass … centered in the upper abdomen … suspicious for metastasis.” My Virginia oncologist, the day before our move out of the state, said, “this was missed in March. You need a biopsy ASAP.”

So we set out on this six-year journey, CTs, PETs, surgeries, drugs, procedures. Amidst all that, some nice trips, new friends, precious memories. Now another PET, or a request. By week’s end I was moving again. I mowed the front lawn, picked up the van at the shop. We went grocery shopping and got coffee. We waited for Joe’s call.